Where I am today

I want to start by saying I love being at home with Hunter...there is no place I would rather be. I know this is where God wants me and I am here...that alone is worth all the hard work to get here and will keep me here awhile.

This being at home chapter of my life is also new and different and I am far from settled into a routine. I am coming to a brutal realization that someone else knew my child better than I did....and that I am struggling to learn how to properly deal with tantrums, disciplining, eating right and keeping him away from the TV. As mothers I think there are times we all dream...that our house is clean, our children are fed healthy home cooked meals, we teach them endlessly, they are always safely entertained and they never disobey or through a fit when things do not go their way....but reality is far from that in my own home. Today a friend luckily had a tootsie roll in her purse that we could use to keep Hunter sitting in the cart...otherwise I still think I would be frantically chasing him all over Marshals.

I need to learn how to control, divert, discipline, teach and so many other things. I need to be prepared with my own tootsie rolls or proper words to guide my son into the proper place in life. I know that I am more than capable....I just feel heavy lately. Like I have or am failing him...

I know that is the farthest thing from the truth. In fact I know that is the devil.

I love my son and I am going to do right by him always...I will not be perfect...there will be days I loose my temper or just get lazy...but I will learn, I will improve and i will try. That is what counts right?

On another front....I am not pregnant. Perhaps that just makes me a bit more emotional? I want to be...we are trying. It was so easy the first time with Hunter. But then again as I type these words my heart is settling into the fact that I just need to have time with Hunter. God knows me and he hears my prayers and I am keeping my fingers crossed that when the time is right we will be blessed again with a child.

"By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." Proverbs 24:3-4