Break My Heart

Who wants a broken heart? Not me and no one I know. Typically when we think of broken hearts we think of crushed young love and children fighting cancer. Lately I have been thinking about what breaks the heart of God and asking for him to break my heart for what break His.

What breaks the heart of the King of Kings, Almighty Powerful One? Cancer, divorce, violence and war...sure I bet these things make Him sad and perhaps angry...but I believe watching so many of His precious children live a life without knowing Him or even more painful to watch them live a life choosing to turn from Him, is what breaks his heart. The heart of our Lord breaks when we are not untied with Him through Christ.

Are you breaking the heart of your author?

I was recently at a family get together and as I looked around the room I knew without a doubt that many of them believed that God was not their savior and in fact believed that"if" there was a God He mocked them and their life was His toilet. I found my heart just broken and thinking,,,I am just not sure how to lead you to the cross. There is no convincing you. I am not going to throw the bible at you or make you feel guilty. I just want to love you. I want you to be warm, well, fed and pleased with the life that you are leading. I want you to be loved for you. So I just sat on the couch with them, ate with them, laughed with them and drove down the mountain.

God has clearly answered my prayers and I find myself gasping for breath and not being able to hold back the tears as I understand what brings the Great I Am to sacrifice the life of His cherished son. I am trying to navigate the next step, which is the "what am I going to do about it".

I am not a girl who gets on a bus to Africa and loves all the orphaned children....I have my own at home today that need me and if I go then I would orphan them to a degree. I am not going to knock on your door and hand out bibles. I am not rich enough to just fund the end of hunger or cure all sickness...not even Oprah is. But I am one girl just trying to figure out how to convince the people in my life to love their maker, how to have a healing more powerful than a painless night, how to multiply the grace and peace in their life through the knowledge of Christ.

I will ask about your faith or lack of it. I will send you CD's full of music that will remind your heart that Jesus loves you. I will pray for you fervently and resiliently. I will share with you openly and shamelessly the difference in my life Christ's love has made. I will never give up on wanting to see you walk into the arms of Jesus and the gates of heaven.

This is what breaks my heart. What breaks yours?

This is Life

I love Raleigh, NC. I love what this move to Raleigh has done in our lives. We spend more time being a family and less time caught up in the business of every thing else going on around us. I love these boys more every day and I want my life and choices to reflect that love. 

This move was hard and felt like bad timing after the birth of Colt and long hospital stays. The right choices are always challenging in some way. I miss my friends I lived daily life with in Tracy dearly. I hate that I cannot get in a car and drive to my sister. All new doctors, trying to grow roots in a new church, helping Hunter meet new buddies, and just learning the ropes of a new city on the other side of the country is not for the faint of heart.

I am learning to let my heart stretch further than I believed it could. To love another little boy, to learn a new city, to make new friends and to KEEP THE OLD.