Laredo and the new invisible fence - Part ONE

Before you read another word I have to say about my installing and training Laredo on an electric fence..... drop your opinion and your judgements at the door well at the blog LOL.

I love my dog. He is my first baby. He was my first big responsibility. He slept in bed with me until Wade kicked him out and had had the rule of the house until kiddos and their toys took over his space. He was always by my side until we got a brand new house and now he is mainly outside. Writing this I feel sad....it feels like he has gotten kicked out of my life to some degree....

But the truth is bigger and better than this. The truth is I am a better parent because of taking the time to learn how to train him and work with him. He is too old to climb up into bed with me...his arthritis is getting worse all the time. He prefers a comfy warm spot in the sun....period. If he can see me it is all that better. He is good with my babies and I think I am being honest when I say he loves them and all their toys as much as they love him. And the outside living now....well I do sneak him in when the weather sucks or I just miss him. He is outside because of ticks and nails on my hardwood and all that endless hair. I am working on these things with frontline and brushing and clipping (which I need to get better at...I just hate hurting him accidentally).

He loves to be outside. He sniffs all the trails the deer leave and he carefully just watches the squirrels. He gives a quick bark when people or cars he does not know come down the street. He rolls in the grass and snuggles with the cat. He naps in the sun and licks the BBQ. Our weather is not bad here in North Carolina. We spend tons, I mean tons of time outside and on our deck with him! All these things make be honestly believe he likes it outside. He likes it soooo much outside that he wonders out of our huge yard into all the neighbors yards and explores the woods for a while before he makes his way home. It bothers neighbors and it worries me....he could be hit by a car or get into trouble with all the snakes. I just want him to stay around our house....seriously it is an acre.

So we installed an electric fence. We dug over 850 feet of wire. Put the white flags up every 10 feet. Of course we read and read and read about it. We watched videos and zapped our selves to be sure it was not horrible. I assumed my sweet, well trained almost 10 year old lab would have no problem understanding where the fence was. He would be able to come and go from the garage and all around the yard as he pleased.

Well training has been harder than I thought.

Parenting Jungle

Lately I have had a series of questions running through my head. 

What kind of parent do you want to be?

What kind of parent are you today?

No matter what I am doing through out my day these seem to be common thoughts in my mind. Sometimes I brush it off and do not stop to think or dig deep into my answers because it is too thick a jungle to navigate. Other times I start to process my thoughts and am only distracted by a hungry baby, a ring of the door bell or a cry from the baby which leads to some type of conversation or punishment from Hunter that needs to be dealt out.

So when I heard a big name physiologist and parenting book author was in town giving a free seminar....I handed the kiddos off to Wade for a few hours and convinced my sweet neighbor to come with me to hear what this guy had to say. I wanted answers to my questions. I wanted to know that I was being a good momma. I only left with more questions...

Am I listening to others on how to be a good parent or am I listening to my heart?

Is my generation really as awful at parenting as this guy thinks we are?

I am reading a fun book about a magic room. It is room in a bridal store that is full of mirrors, perfect lightening and a pedestal. It is a book about much more than a room or a bridal store it is a story about women on the verge of marriage. I imagined the book would be full of innocent stories of brides in love picking out their dream dress for their dream day. However the book is full of statistics on marriages, brides and  relationships daughters have with their mothers and fathers. Well PHEW I am at least off the hook here...I do not have a daughter. But I was a pregnant bride, something the book talks about a great deal....almost as if they imply I am less of a parent or do not care about the environment my babies are raised in. The author of the book is older and obviously from a generation that holds great value to marriage and also holds judgments on what he finds as a disrespect to marriage. Lastly, the author has three daughters, and speaks a great deal to the type of man he wants for his girls...and he does so in a way that leads me to believe that there is not a man out there good enough. So I am left with more questions....

Do I value marriage less because I was a pregnant bride?

How am I preparing my boys to be leaders, lovers, providers, protectors and patient enough to deal with these bridezillas? 

My truth is that I have some work to do....a jungle of thoughts to hack through so that I can set a pace and plan for my parenting choices. Being a parent is hard work if you are doing it right. I am learning that I have to have tunnel vision, I have to know what I want for my boys and work hard at making it happen for them. I am going to start with what I want the end to look like....I believe that will work itself out to answer my questions.

Things I want for Hunter and Colt

-For them to know the love of Jesus Christ

-To understand discipline and be able to apply it in their lives

-For them to be good citizens. Not just friendly neighbors and voters. But to believe in america and care   about its land, people and values

-To be hard workers with good work ethics. To do what is right no matter the cost

-I hope they are humble and respectful. Kind and friendly. 

-I want them to be courageous and confident in what they are doing without pride

-For them to know love and be able to love with choices not feelings

Now I need to commit my life and time with them to teaching them these things. Mostly with actions and not words. I am finding that for me....parenting is about instilling values more than teaching ABC's and words not to use. 

Now where did I put my machete....I have a lot of jungle to cut down

Break My Heart

Who wants a broken heart? Not me and no one I know. Typically when we think of broken hearts we think of crushed young love and children fighting cancer. Lately I have been thinking about what breaks the heart of God and asking for him to break my heart for what break His.

What breaks the heart of the King of Kings, Almighty Powerful One? Cancer, divorce, violence and war...sure I bet these things make Him sad and perhaps angry...but I believe watching so many of His precious children live a life without knowing Him or even more painful to watch them live a life choosing to turn from Him, is what breaks his heart. The heart of our Lord breaks when we are not untied with Him through Christ.

Are you breaking the heart of your author?

I was recently at a family get together and as I looked around the room I knew without a doubt that many of them believed that God was not their savior and in fact believed that"if" there was a God He mocked them and their life was His toilet. I found my heart just broken and thinking,,,I am just not sure how to lead you to the cross. There is no convincing you. I am not going to throw the bible at you or make you feel guilty. I just want to love you. I want you to be warm, well, fed and pleased with the life that you are leading. I want you to be loved for you. So I just sat on the couch with them, ate with them, laughed with them and drove down the mountain.

God has clearly answered my prayers and I find myself gasping for breath and not being able to hold back the tears as I understand what brings the Great I Am to sacrifice the life of His cherished son. I am trying to navigate the next step, which is the "what am I going to do about it".

I am not a girl who gets on a bus to Africa and loves all the orphaned children....I have my own at home today that need me and if I go then I would orphan them to a degree. I am not going to knock on your door and hand out bibles. I am not rich enough to just fund the end of hunger or cure all sickness...not even Oprah is. But I am one girl just trying to figure out how to convince the people in my life to love their maker, how to have a healing more powerful than a painless night, how to multiply the grace and peace in their life through the knowledge of Christ.

I will ask about your faith or lack of it. I will send you CD's full of music that will remind your heart that Jesus loves you. I will pray for you fervently and resiliently. I will share with you openly and shamelessly the difference in my life Christ's love has made. I will never give up on wanting to see you walk into the arms of Jesus and the gates of heaven.

This is what breaks my heart. What breaks yours?

This is Life

I love Raleigh, NC. I love what this move to Raleigh has done in our lives. We spend more time being a family and less time caught up in the business of every thing else going on around us. I love these boys more every day and I want my life and choices to reflect that love. 

This move was hard and felt like bad timing after the birth of Colt and long hospital stays. The right choices are always challenging in some way. I miss my friends I lived daily life with in Tracy dearly. I hate that I cannot get in a car and drive to my sister. All new doctors, trying to grow roots in a new church, helping Hunter meet new buddies, and just learning the ropes of a new city on the other side of the country is not for the faint of heart.

I am learning to let my heart stretch further than I believed it could. To love another little boy, to learn a new city, to make new friends and to KEEP THE OLD. 

Just Thinking

I stand in awe of how God created our bodies to work and how little we truly understand about them. We have great doctors and have made incredible progress in modern medicine. We find new cures for deadly  diseases every day.  Drastic diet trends seem to pop up every January leading us to what we believe is a healthier way...a way to live longer and stronger. Yet I still think we are still light years away from really grasping just how wonderfully made we are.

As I reflect on the past 6 weeks since Colt has been born I cannot keep my mind off of my body. I am consumed with fear that it will fail me. My deathly high blood pressure readings kept me trapped in the hospital for weeks....and even though I am a free bird walking around my house this morning....I still feel just as trapped.

I need to stop worrying and start trusting. The reality is that I do not need to understand how much pressure each vein in my body can withstand before bursting...or what really holds them together...or what million things I can do to change the reading on the  machine. I need to start trusting that the ONE who made me did it wonderfully and perfectly. That I have every tool I need. HE created my body to carry my precious son and it did.

Every time the nurse would come in my room to take my blood pressure I could feel a knot wind up inside my body and it has only gotten tighter overt time. I need to unwind that knot. At first I thought a long walk or a good sleep could cure me...but it has not worked. What I long for, Peace and healing, they are only found in one place. In the living Word of God and oh how my soul longs for those precious words.

"Heal me O Lord and I will be healed, save me and I will be saved, for thou art my praise."  Jer 17:4

Perspective

On our flight from DFW to North Carolina I snapped this picture.


It feels like cheating to me... Seeing the clouds and all their majestic splendor from this perspective. I feel like this view is for God alone. We were above a rain storm. As soon as we broke through the clouds on our decent it was cold, gloomy and dark... This is what I felt like inside.. The perspective my two feet give me.

I started my period yesterday. It sucks on so many levels. Besides the fact I am on a get away trip with my husband I am 5 days early and now irregular again... Most horribly I am not pregnant. This is my perspective... And it sucks.

Last night Wade put this picture as my screensaver. This morning as I woke up to a glorious sun rise I was reminded that through Jesus I am able to see Gods perspective. I am loved. I have everything He wants me to have. I am complete. I am not cheating by seeing the glorious scenery above the storm... God invites me to join him there. And honestly there is no place I would rather be.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

RESPECT

Today President Bush was on Oprah. I never watch Oprah....no real reason but I do not always agree with her point of view. She is generous and for that I am grateful to her. Today I enjoyed hearing Bush reflect on his Presidency and the BIG decisions he made. I agree with him...with so many things from his faith in God to his devotion to family to his choice to go to war to many of his philosophies on standing firm to your own principles. I have an abundance of respect for him as a man and as a President. President Obama is not someone that I agree with or always like but I respect him. He is our leader and I will respect and follow. 

It makes my stomach turn to hear other people throw punches at our Presidents. To question is one thing but what I hear and read is not questioning or respectfully disagreeing. What I see is rude, tearing, ugly, hateful and flat out evil comments. It is that motive and heart of disrespect that is tearing our country apart.

We need to be respectful, watchful of our tongues and united. We need to get business done together as American people. It really is simple...take turns. You go and then I.